Photo from my trip to Montana with the best group of friends a guy could ask for
This entry is pretty much about my week. I hope it gives those of you possibly struggling in the same sense a sort of hope/comfort. I pray it doesn’t depress any of you…
This week seemed to be one of the toughest weeks I’ve had to experience in quite some time. The stress of academics and college in general coupled with some family matters made for an emotionally wearing week. I found myself so overwhelmed with things that I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself. Apparently some of my other friends have felt the same way, and it does help to know that, though I wouldn’t wish the feeling upon anyone.
Interestingly, stressors inevitably seem to bring about an increased amount of analyzing/thinking. There is definitely truth to the Biblical principle that we’re made stronger through facing trials and suffering (James 1).
“In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made one as well as the other…”
Ecclesiastes 7:14a
I’m going to address the academic side of things with a bit of spirituality… mixed in. With my struggles of the week came a lot of thinking and questioning that I think might possibly benefit others to think about. I don’t know… but I’ll get to that in a bit…
This semester, I have basically all math classes (well at least major-related courses). Individually they’re not too bad, but when collectively put together, it’s a whole other ballgame. As I’m sure most of you have experienced before, daily homework goes hand-in-hand with math. It’s not like other classes where you have reading assignments that aren’t really important, thus you don’t do them. It’s imperative to keep up with the assigned math work if you don’t want to die a slow, painful, academic death.
I got a late start on a project for my programming class, and that was ultimately the end of me (at least for the week). All of my other classes seemed to suffer because of my slight lapse in time management. I felt like I was playing catch up the last three days of my week (and continuing to this weekend). I worked on math for about three hours straight one afternoon and felt like I got nowhere. I felt like I just didn’t have enough time to do what I wanted to do. I’d never had that before, and I honestly do mean that. Differential Equations is proving to be the most difficult course I’ve ever taken, or at least it will be if things continue the way they’ve started. That feeling you get when you can’t do the 1st problem in the homework is not a good one…
I don’t want to sound conceited; I’m just being candid. I never had struggles with academics until the the tail-end of last semester in a particular class and the start of this one. That combined with other things going not so well really made me think and evaluate my life and personal foundational beliefs (No, I’m not straying from my faith, I’m just attempting to live a healthy life by seeking answers). I’m not talking about spirituality in totality, but the things that we believe deep down that ultimately affect our way of living.
Two of the thoughts that came up were common phrases/clichés that often go along with life and spirituality. I think all of us have heard somebody tell us at some point in time that life is not all academics. The leader of Campus Crusade often tells all of us college students that God does not care about our GPA. There are more important things to worry about. It’s relieving to hear that, it honestly is. I’d like to believe that, but somewhere deep down in me is the principle that God demands/desires our best in all that we do, which seems to contradict the previous thought. While I’m sure deep down theologically this all works out together, I have a hard time really living it and at times believing it.
What exactly is determined to be “my best”? Are results what determines “my best”? If not, what does? Whether it’s a true or a false notion established by society, “best” implies near to perfection (“Of the most excellent quality/type” to quote my widget). To me it just doesn’t seem plausible to do “my best” by the standards established in all aspects of life. I’ve maintained a high GPA before, so now that I’m receiving lower grades, am I not doing my best? I know I could be dedicating more time to school work, but heck, can’t we say that we could have spent more time on anything we’ve ever done (except maybe taking standardized tests)? If we spent a little more time on everything we ever did, wouldn’t we still just run out of time? Dedicating one’s life to being the best at one thing leaves so many other areas of life undeveloped.
It crossed my mind to explain through a mathematical proof that last thought, but for sanity’s sake, I won’t. It actually frightens me to a certain extent that I felt, for at least a second, I could prove that point with mathematics. Life can’t be proved with math, science, and logic. There are things that just ultimately will never make sense to us humans. Scientists are finding this to be true as time goes on. The more we discover, the more we can’t wrap our heads around… like what light really is and why it acts like both a wave and particle or why orbiting atomic particles don’t spiral inward due to energy decay and ultimately destroy themselves. Going back to the point…
These phrases I stated earlier theoretically may make sense, but in my reality at this moment, it just doesn’t seem humanly possible to fulfill both. Perhaps Scripture’s been twisted to fit some influential person’s ideology, and though the variation may be subtle, it’s drastically changed the ultimate meaning for the rest of us. A balance MUST exist somewhere, but the line drawn is so incredibly thin and fragile that it seems elusive and almost non-existent.
Eh, that’s enough rambling. Feel free to share your comments below. Until next time…
No related posts.
These moments of introspection are great for learning life’s lessons. A few things that I thought about while reading your entry. First, I think that God does care about your GPA, but perhaps not in the way that you were thinking. He cares in that he wants you to do your best, and will therefore help you if you ask. I think “demands” might be a little strong, in that it implies that he isn’t there to help.
As for doing your best, only you know what your best is. And God knows that you can’t do all things all the time. There is a time and a season (Eccl. 3:1) to everything. And you should not run faster than you have strength for.
College is a time to enjoy the freedom of being able to think, ponder, study, write, and party. Enjoy it, because life gets much more utilitarian when you get out (unless, of course, you go into academics). It’s challenging, but down the road you’ll wish you had more time to read and study math problems so you can challenge your mind.
Great, now I’m being preachy. Didn’t mean to be. I certainly don’t have much figured out myself.
Thanks Matt for the input. It was encouraging to read, even if it was “preachy”
. I was reading in Ecclesiastes again today, and the end of the book is very applicable to my current situation. This post was obviously written during a period of emotional unrest. In retrospect it’s more of a statement of my growing awareness of the flaws in the reality in which we live.
Ecc. 11:9 “Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Walk in the ways of your heart and the sight of your eyes. But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment.”
Perhaps I need to let go a little bit.
Ecc. 12:1 “Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, “I have no pleasure in them”; before the sun and the light and the moon and the stars are darkened and the clouds return after the rain”
God’s proving to be faithful as he promised. Answers are slowly coming, and conflicts are seeming not as pressing as before. I hope this feeling doesn’t flee…
Hey Greg. This entry is something that has crossed my mind many a time. Trying to do your best in everything will inevitably leave you with no time to just be. I feel like I get caught between incessant striving or facing the fact that I’m not giving my best if I don’t strive as much. I think that there is a place in the middle where one has to decipher what is really worth striving for. Every seemingly good ambition can also be such a threat to our life, our time. I think this is one of those, oh, shall we call it the constantly be in prayer times, because there is no way to tell for sure on our own what is the absolute best thing to strive for and what other things are not worth our precious time. I hope and pray that the Lord grants you that discernment and peace.
Thanks Jill. Appreciate it.
Hello. Let’s get acquainted!
My name is Jessika.