This quarter has flown by with impressive speed. Currently in the midst of my junior year in college, this velocity is not without reason. While academically speaking this has not been my craziest quarter (last quarter still stands on that gold medal platform), I’ve been quite busy with interviews and… well… life.
At the moment, the search for a summer internship is the matter at hand. If I make an honest reflection of my life, prior to my search for an internship this summer, I’ve never really had to work hard to find work. A lot of opportunities have just presented themselves due to family/friend connections, and I’ve more or less been able to find work without too much trouble. With the economy in its current state and simply because of where I am in life, this process has been different. It’s all new and has been a very self-revealing experience. I’m doing my best to keep perspective amongst the busyness.
Fortunately, this resume/interview process has been good to me so far. Due to past jobs and decisions I’ve made, I have enough quantifiable experiences to fill a resume. I say that in as much of a non-boastful voice as I can. The Lord has blessed me with abilities and particular opportunities, of which I’m very grateful for. I write this at a time that I believe could be equated to that moment on the roller coaster where you see the crest of the hill approaching. I have moved past the first stage with a few different companies, and all I can really do right now is wait to hear whether I got the interview, got the job. Things look very optimistic, but I can’t help but be cautious. I desperately hope this doesn’t turn out to be a “still waiting in line” moment… one where you think you’ve rounded that last corner in the queue only to find you have another hour to wait in the blistering hot sun before you can enjoy the 2-3 minutes of bliss.
This waiting period is proving to be one of, if not the hardest portion of the internship search. I’m really excited about the possibilities of some internship and just partially excited about the possibility of others. (My website is listed on my resume, so there’s a good possibility potential-employers are reading this right now. Intriguing, right? If this is the case, Mr./Mrs. HR person, assume your company falls under the “really excited” category. Thank you). I’m trying to the best of my ability to keep emotions in check mainly due to fear of disappointment, but it’s difficult not to let my mind fantasize about what it’d look like being on the job.
These experiences have taken me to new places in my so-called “spiritual” life. Throughout this search for internships, I’m constantly faced with decisions… decisions of where to apply, what specific internship to apply for, what experiences to share at interviews, and so on. Keeping perspective of things can be difficult. Many internships claim to lend themselves to career opportunities. This makes the decision(s) seem heavier. I fear finding myself in the midst of a career asking the question, “why the **** did I take this road.” The fact that my decision could lead me further down a particular path that, while still redirect-able, would not conveniently lend itself to change is exciting yet a bit scary. The overarching question of “am I in God’s will” is on the fore-front of my mind. It’s a question I’ve wrestled with from the start of college. I say this not because I fear some wrathful punishment from God if not in his will. I say this because I want to please the Lord (I think… motives can sometimes be difficult to recognize), and I also believe I won’t find true happiness unless I do.
A good friend of mine first led me to really think about the portion of scripture where the master (presumeably God) states to his servant “Well done, good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:21). He said he really hopes he’s able to hear and be worthy of such praise from the Lord. I agree with him wholeheartedly. Discerning God’s leading is not an easy thing. I often look to what interests me as a good indicator of where I should go, but even as I state that, it sounds a bit like selfishness. I believe God has created us to desire, but at what point does the desire of the world start twisting truth? I pray every night for guidance, for opened and closed doors, and I also like to let him know what I think would be awesome . I trust if I do my part, God will work the rest for his glory.